It Is What It Is...

I was at a baby shower two weeks ago and was once again questioned about babies and when it is our time. This is how the conversation somewhat went:

Person: How long have you and Jared been married?

Me: Almost 5 years!

Person: Are you thinking about kids? Do you want kids? Are you going to have kids soon?

Me: (knowing full well that I am pregnant, but not quite revealing it to everyone) .... ummm... It is what it is. 

Person: Oh. 

It is what it is? I have found myself saying this A LOT lately and I don't know where it came from. When I say this in response to different situations it does get me thinking, is this how I really feel? I have found that it is how I feel. It is what it is. This is my new life motto.

After the miscarriage in October life just seemed different. I did blame myself for the miscarriage, but came to realize (after a lot of research and supporting words) there was nothing I could do to prevent it. If it was going to happen, it was going to happen. It is what it is. (See how I catch myself saying this A LOT?!) I was angry with myself, with God, with everyone that was pregnant with a healthy baby at the same time that I lost mine. I wasn't sure the lesson I was supposed to learn through the miscarriage and am sure there wasn't a lesson for me to learn. It just happened. I came out of a horrible situation a little rougher than when the journey started and I realized I was viewing the world, viewing life a little differently than before. My eyes were still cloudy from the hurt and pain, but something felt different about how I was seeing and perceiving life.

Jared and I have a lot on our plates in the coming months. I am pregnant. Deployment is looming with a busy schedule between now and May. We have a nursery to set up before Jared leaves (we have to pick out said nursery furniture!). We are trying to spend as much time with each other as we can yet our schedules don't seem to allow for a lot of that (I fall asleep early, Jared gets home late). But... as you may have guessed, It is what it is. I can tell I am approaching these difficulties a lot differently than I have in the past. (I will admit that I have had a few pouting sessions where I sat at the bottom of the steps with my sad face on and begged Jared to call in sick. Like he can do that!) The time period before the last deployment it was almost impossible for me to talk about it. Impossible for me to accept it. Impossible for me to not cry. With my new eyes on, I know there is nothing I can do to change deployment. There is nothing I can do to rearrange Jared's schedule to spend all of his time with me. There is nothing I can do to make this any better for the two of us than to accept it, acknowledge it, and go with the flow. It is what it is. (See how that just fits in?) I am sure I will cry when Jared leaves on deployment (it is only natural), but for now I am holding myself steady with the understanding that I can't change a thing.

 When we decided to try as soon as we got the okay from the doctor (*funny conversation, see below)  we knew what was fast approaching - a hectic schedule, deployment, delivering without Jared. We accepted whatever was going to be given to us. We didn't know we would be given another chance for a baby so quickly, but we wouldn't change a thing. Although I will be delivering without Jared, parenting and all that entails without Jared for the first three months, going it alone while Jared is on the other side of the world, you will not hear me complaining! I fully realize that it is going to be tough and will not be an easy time, but I am willing to accept the responsibility. We didn't wait to try for a baby to schedule it for when Jared would be here, we knew what we were getting in to, it was our choice. And now that we are pregnant and having a baby in September, I couldn't be happier and more excited for the adventure that awaits us, as tough as it might be. It is what it is. I am not complaining. 

With my new found life motto, I feel as though I am taking things more in stride than I used to. Man was I high strung and needed a plan that couldn't be changed. With my new found realization I know there is nothing I can do to make my path any different. My path is set (in part by the Navy) and I just have to follow along and make the best of everything. Take the curves as they come, try not to knock my noggin when bumps jump in the way, and enjoy the straight and narrow when the path is an easy one to follow. Life is what we make it. It is what it is. 

*Funny story about when we could try again:

Doctor: Everything is looking fine. 

Jared: When can we "you know"? (he actually said the word, but I didn't think it would be appropriate for my blog)

Doctor: Well, I think you should wait until you get home. I don't think the other patients would appreciate it if you did it here.
HA HA HA. 

Move Over Rover...

There's a New Kid in Town!

Although many of you read the announcement on Facebook, I wanted to share the good news with all of my blog readers. I do realize you are probably the same people that already read it on Facebook, but repetition breeds learning!

Jared and I are so excited to announce that we are having a baby! Izzy's little brother or sister is due at the end of September - 9/27/11 - however, we all know kids never really arrive on time. These last few months have been emotional/stressful/worriful (not a word I realize), as we have been through part of this before. This time felt different and from the beginning I had a good feeling about this one! I am 10w2d pregnant today and cannot wait until we hit the BIG 12 WEEKS! The first ultrasound we had a little after 6weeks, we were able to see a strong heartbeat and because of new machines we HEARD a strong heartbeat. The second ultrasound we had a little after 8 weeks, we were once again able to hear and see a strong heartbeat. Not only that though, we were able to make out the head, arms, and the little ALREADY KICKING legs!! That I think was the most exciting part for Jared. I am not scheduled to have my next appointment for another 2 weeks (this whole "We'll see you in four weeks" thing is a killer!), but because I am a high maintenance patient and seem to leave crazy voice mails late at night with silly requests I think I will be able to have myself seen again for reassurance on Monday :)  Is it sad that the receptionist can already check me in without my ID card and the pertinent information that is needed from it? I think so.

Baby and Strong Heartbeat

This baby will be born over deployment without Jared by my side. Although many wives will say they will never have a baby alone, sometimes when the baby arrives and who is there doesn't really matter. We aren't concerned with when this baby is scheduled to arrive, we needed to know that we could in fact see this through. (does that make sense?) All we want is a healthy baby! IF there is a good part about having a baby without your husband there if there is a good part about this is, Jared will be/should be on the first airlift home and be the first off the plane to come home! Jared has a tough schedule coming up and will not be spending a lot of time at home before deployment. This is going to make furniture shopping together rather difficult. It will get done though!

Can you see the head, arms, and legs?

There are a lot of children in our squadron, which means there are a lot of mothers too. The one thing I really hate is unsolicited advice about babies. The one thing that has really irked my nerves lately (mind you, no one knew I was pregnant yet) is the opinion on deployment babies. "I would never do that again, that was just stupid." "That is the worst thing you could do." "I would never have a baby without my husband there." Now that people know I am pregnant and I will be having a baby over deployment, without my husband there for the first 3 months or so, I wonder how their tunes will change?!

Anywho... Thank you for all your kind words and warm wishes on Facebook! We are super excited and cannot wait to find out what our little baby will be - boy or girl! This will not be kept a secret, so don't you worry.