... it's getting... closer...

As time has gone by my main focus point has been Jared's arrival home after deployment. This is supposed to happen before the holidays, but I seemed to have forgotten pushed to the back of my mind this other important date that comes before Jared's arrival home. I know it's coming, I see IT every day. How could I forget this special date? The extra 37 pound (I think... I stopped getting on the scale because it is so depressing so I am just taking a guess here!) basketball that sits on my belly is a daily reminder, but it just hasn't REALLY sunk in...

...UNTIL NOW!

I am a worrier. I am a list person. I list so I don't worry that I will forget something. The listing has started! This morning I packed my bathroom kit for the hospital because it would be the easiest to pack - sure enough it was! Took me all of five minutes. That could also be because I had a list that I needed to get of the things I wanted in the bag and I went to the store and got them a few days ago. Putting everything in the bag was the easiest part; making the list which made THIS feel so much more real was the hard part. It's done. That's all that matters.

With one bag packed I started the list for the second bag - my bag. My bag? HOLY COW! I need to pack my bag!!!!!! FOR... THE... BABY.... FOR... WHEN... HE .... COMES..... INNNNNN.... 5.... WEEEEEEEKKKKKKSSSS!!!

oH CRAP. It's very apparent I am having a baby. In my head I guess I thought he would just stay in my belly forever... But now... As the ticker counts down the number of days, it feels real. As of this coming Tuesday there will only be 5 weeks left. A week over a month. 37 or so days.

I feel unprepared. I feel scared of what is to come. I feel like the plan is I have no plan because of the Navy. Andersen's room isn't ready. My bag isn't packed... I can't decide what I want to wear to the hospital, let alone from the hospital. (I will be rocking my Gownie so I don't look like a hot mess in pictures while in the hospital though:) ) I haven't washed/put away/organized the majority of Andersen's blankets, clothes, sheets... everything! That means Andersen's bag isn't packed either! And I am supposed to know what to do when I bring him home with me?! Oh. Crap.

I think... I need... I have no idea. NO IDEA!!!  My only thought that makes me feel a little better is this: I have kept a dog alive for 4 years, she does eat her doodies (gross I know, but we can't get her to stop!), but she hasn't run away or died yet. That's good, right? Just tell me it is. Lie to me and tell me it will all work out and be okay.